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a reason to blog

It has been 1 month plus since I last blogged which is at end of november last year.. First post of 2012 should be a post on resolution or something good like maybe photos of countdown or stuffs like that but I am doing the complete opposite of what most people would do.. I am going to post something that may seems rather unpleasant so if you feel offended, please “x” on the top right hand corner because I blog to pin my thoughts not consider your opinions and planned a special post for you, ttvm (:

Face Networking or Social Networking?

I believe this post are going to offend quite a number of people so I make myself clear here… I am not going against anyone with this post I am about to type neither am I taking advantage of using this post to insult someone.. Purely thoughts I had for quite some time, take it easy if you feel that what I am about to blog is related to you.. If you can’t, please exit this browser, ttvm (: btw, this will be an extremely wordy post cause I seriously need to pour these out..

just like a present

every relationship is like a present, a wrapped present decorate with some ribbons, design and a card.. Like how relationship are, some are fragile, some are just temporary, whereas some are of long term.. but the chances are we never noe what we are getting till we really unwrapped them ourselves..

Protected: thinking twice

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11.11.2011

Today is a day that only comes by once in a hundred years.. I didn’t manage to make a wish at 11.11am nor 11.11pm.. Today should be a day whereby people expresses love through simple text messages to friends, family or BGF.. Make a wish for everyone even if you dun really believe it would happen because maybe someone out there is hoping that at this special day, they are reminded by you..

I expected… but in vain… once again.. I can’t stop blaming myself for believing too much, expecting too much and caring too much.. When I am not concern, he tries all ways to get it from me.. But when I am concern, suddenly it started becoming some form of unintentional irritation/obstacles in our relationship..

I am starting to question all the why and what happened.. Maybe committing wasn’t meant for me, because why is it that everytime i give in 100%, i start to feel so insecure.. and all of the sudden all the hurt and disappointment came to me.. I have to pretend everything was alright, keep on reminding myself that my emotions are the key to all conflicts.. As long as I started speaking up, my unhappiness seems like a burden and out of the sudden I was describe as an emotional freak or small gas retard.. Everything I said seems irrelevant, then why do you wan me to speak up in the first place? Why do you wan me to open up when whatever i open up to you seems like a way of me finding fault in you?

I dun understand.. I kind of lost what are the things i should say or do and what are what i shouldn’t say or do? I am confuse, miserable, apathetic…

Maybe I should stop trying to make things work and perhaps it may work better.. Maybe I should stop speaking to my mind.. Maybe I should not have open myself up… Maybe I have always been deceiving myself..

Enlighten me,

I really need someone badly..
someone whom I can just be ME..

double or nothing

at times I feel like the world revolves around me and the very next moment I feel that I am out of this world.. Do you all feel the same like me AT LEAST once a month?

hate that particular moment of every month when my mood is worst than sitting roller coaster, unpredictable, scary and out of what you could imagine.. my thoughts were doubled of what I usually thought of when I am bathing, my attitude is three times worst than normal.. hate it when I started feeling those insecure, neglection, frustration, doubtful and irritation inside me.. I blame all that on my hormones, seriously! cannot imagine myself being pregnant one day, I might go crazy or commit suicide..

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I’m so ashamed